Day of reckoning

I have been on this roller coaster most of my life. Heavy child Anorexic in my late teens until .. well...lets just say I am recovering since I dont think I have ever truly gotten over my food and self image issues. I was scared when I had the babies. I was able to lose the weight easily after the first yet found it almost impossible after the second. I found myself 25 pounds heavier than I was used to. I looked good (healthy not skin and bones) but ... Then I turned 38, quit smoking, and fractured my back. An impossible tri-fector. I now find myself 53 and 171 pounds. I seem to default to this weight now which is great if I am a 6' male. However I am a 5'4 female and I want to weigh 121. Right now lets get me to 146. 25 pounds. Half the weight I want to lose. I was able to get doneunder 160 a little over a year ago due to constant vigilence and lots of exercise. Then I went back to school. Apparently, I cannot work full time, go to school, take care of a family AND take care of me. I got tired. Stopped going to spin class. Now I am out of school.. feeling sluggish all over, Two weeks ago I was 167.5 ..went on the diet and this afternoon the scale hit 171. This is why I am beginning this writing project to help me focus. I am doing something horribly wrong. I am also feeling my age since I took this last exercise vacation. Sluggish, achy, (arthritis? ) I need to turn this around immediately. I have a gym membership that I have not been using. I have more exercise DVD's than I can list. I love to buy them. But you need to use your tools and you need to use them consistently in order for them to work. I find that DVD's I was great at last year --even on this first try -- I can only use for 10 min or so. Is it me or the heat? I have to come up with a plan this evening and will commit to it hear. Till later